ZHANEL BIO PIC.jpeg — Zhane'l Speaks

"*Writing is where it began.*" Zhane'l expresses. "*Above all, I am a storyteller. I've always wanted people to journey through my mind and feel what I had once felt while they read my stories."*

The Woman Inside of Me was an important read for me.

“I've come to acknowledge that there is a woman living inside of me, who is becoming exposed through her lovers. This is a short collection of poems, preparing you for a much bigger collection.” Excerpt from her Amazon details.

I appreciated the relatable topics and down-to-earth details. Ya’ll know I’m a sucker for internal rhyming and I saw a few lines where she used that poetic device. Zhane’l’s writing appears simplistic at first glance, but my oh my, will the reader be in for a tasteful ride. Reading, The Woman Inside of Me reminded me of what I thought Alice Walker and Tracy Chapman’s past love affair would have been like. No one knows because their relationship was private. However, Walker said that it was “delicious”. This book was delicious in what I think Walker meant. Simplicity seems to be the written image for The Woman Inside of Me, but every line has depth and complexities that black woman who love women can resonate with. She writes with such rawness and class. Usually with same- sex romance and queer romance, it comes off fake, forced or lusty. Like, every scene or poem is nothing but sex and fighting. I am so tired of reading about us like this. I feel there is room for that BUT, I would like to see us humanized in a grounding way. What about the erotica that tastes like wine when reading it or the romantic poems that feel like a leather whip from the women we fantasize about at work? Hence, The Woman Inside of Me. Vivid with her descriptions, she also sprinkles naked statements that so many of us can relate to:

and it was the first time in a long time that I felt seen by someone.- The vast sky

There is so much self-accountability and acceptance in Zhane’l’s pieces. Speaking on her own selfishness and how she navigates through life without judging herself so harshly was refreshing. Often, we’re taught how to self-loathe and beat down shadow parts of ourselves instead of embracing it I loved how everything was lowercase. Initially, it took me off guard and had my mind racing, but I was so focused on how heavy the allegories were and how capitalized the personification was, I didn’t give a damn.

Zhane’l Speaks E-Interview

1. You wrote that love is what got you started with poetry. How old were you and are you open to sharing the details about your first poem?
Love is what got me started with writing in general. The first thing that I wrote was about family love, I was in 5th grade. Then soon after, I somehow became fascinated with romantic love. I had always seen myself with different types of lovers. So I would start to write down the experiences that I saw in my head and lived it out that way. I actually didn't start writing poetry until 2014 when I met a guy who wrote poetry. We would always exchange our art with one another and give each other constructive criticism. It was my favorite part about the relationship that we were building. We both did photography and wrote a lot. He mostly wrote poetry and I wrote novels. One day, we were in his room, and I asked him if I could read him something that I had written. He said of course, and I told him to lay his head in my lap, with his eyes closed. He did what was asked and he also closed his eyes. I wanted him to imagine himself as the guy in my story. As I was reading the story to him, I felt how excited it was making him. The hairs on his arms stood up and he started smiling. When I was done reading it to him. He sat up and looked at me. He said to me “Why don’t you write poetry?” I responded and said “I’m not a poet. I don’t know how to write poetry.” “You should try to write poetry.” He said. “Rewrite this story in a poem. Give me so much in so little.” I looked at him for a second before speaking again. “I’m not sure if I know how.” “You know how. Just try.” He said and then he kissed me on my lips. After that, I started writing and performing poetry. My first poem was a reflective piece of that story.

2. You spaced out the titles for your poems. Why?
It was mainly for aesthetics, but also I wanted the title of each poem to have an expression.

3. How important do you think it is for one to reflect on how they love and the partner they choose?
I think that it is very important. The lovers that we chose can reflect things that we need to work on within ourselves. Our lovers are here to teach us about ourselves whether the experience with them was good or bad. Our lovers help progress us to the next chapter in our lives.

4. There is a way you write these poems... It’s tasteful, sensual yet far from sleazy. Was this an intentional move or is it how you naturally create your pieces?
Wow! Thank you for such a beautiful compliment. Everything that I write, rather create, is very intentional. I want my audience to feel a certain type of way within each of my pieces. I want to convey softness, grace, sensuality, and raw emotions. I want my audience to just feel what they feel when they feel. I love speaking about sexuality, sensuality, and love in every form. Those elements are rarely spoken about in a light where it is okay to just feel those things. So, the way that I write is to express those themes in a way where it allows the reader to feel intimate and vulnerable within themselves. I want to let others know that it is okay to be vulnerable. So, yes the way that I write/create is very intentional, but also it just naturally flows from within.

5. You also have some good visuals as far as your brand is concerned. Do colors matter you? If so, what are your main brand colors and why are they important to you?
Colors are very important to me. They can influence emotions and that's the main reason why I love to enrapture my audience with color. When it comes to the idea of wanting to portray sensuality, love, and softness, I stick to pastel colors. Pastel colors are soothing and soft. The main colors for my brand are #efd9d5, #efe9e4, #edeaef, and #dde7e2. These colors reflect pastel pink, a really soft lavender color, a light tan color, and a light pastel green. These colors are supposed to represent soft, femininity, sensuality, and love.

6. Do you write anything outside of poetry?
Yes, outside of poetry I enjoy writing short stories, novels, scripts, and reviews for different types of art pieces and exhibitions. The first thing that I ever wrote was a script. I named it The Circle in The Closet. It was about two sisters who had a mother who did hard core drugs and was never home. The sisters discovered a circus in their closet one day and enjoyed their time there. The magical creatures inside of the circus wanted the sisters help with saving their Queen from the evil spirit. Once the sisters finally saved the Queen they noticed that the Queen was their mother. They eventually went back home and called their father to help save their mother. I wrote that in 5th grade and learned that storytelling is what I wanted to do. Which is how I got involved with film making and other art mediums. I just want to tell stories.

7. What’s the story behind the title?
The Title, The Woman Inside of Me, came from me noticing the type of lover that I am. Over the past five years of my life, I have gotten married, had an open relationship, met beautiful beings, went through breakups, and now I am separating myself from a marriage. Those experiences have made me notice that the many women inside of me did so much for people who did so little. The woman inside of me wanted so badly to engulf into all of these people, but not her own self. So this book is a memoir of all the small experiences that I have shared with lovers over the last five years of my life.

8. How important do you think it is for black women who love women to have a voice in published poetry?
I love this question so much. I think that it is very significant to have women, especially black women, write about their love for other women. I remember when I first learned that I liked women, I was always searching for movies, books, and art to relate to. But there weren’t any that I felt connected to. I wanted to hear and watch stories that were made for me so that I felt as if I belonged or that there were people just like me out here.

9. Do you mind sharing your “coming out story?” Are “when you first knew” story?
I would love to share my coming out story. I had always found myself physically attracted to women. Back then my attraction was very lustful. I didn’t realize that it was beyond physicality until 2015 when one woman in particular caught my eyes. I remember it like it was yesterday. The moment our eyes met she had told me that she so desperately wanted me. She had a chivalrous smile too. Man her smile was beautiful. Something about her energy pulled me in. I didn’t question my sexuality at that moment. I just knew that I wanted her just as bad as she wanted me and we indulged into one another. She came over one day and my mom met her through passing. They spoke and my mom left. I made out with her in my bedroom and then once she left I texted my mom and told her that I kissed a girl. She reacted normally, as I expected. I tell my mom pretty much everything. And then when I had my first girlfriend I had told my dad that I had a girlfriend and he just said okay that's cool. And when I told my auntie she was jumping up and down and said you finally came out as gay. I laughed at her because I didn’t know that it was that obvious. Ever since I just been dating women. I do consider myself to be pansexual because I am open to being with someone regardless of their gender, but I do tend to cater to women more.

10. Any upcoming projects?
Yes actually. The Woman Inside of Me was just an introduction to a bigger anthology called Incurable Romantic. That book will concentrate on the wandering, egocentric thoughts of a woman who just wants to be loved in the way that she wants to be loved. I am also working on a romantic fiction novel called Red Clay Infused with Honey. It tells the story of two women falling in love through art. And not to give too much away but all of these projects will translate into an art exhibition.

the woman inside of me cover.jpg — The Woman Inside of Me is available now on Amazon

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