Sloppy Virtual Book Tour Schedule

Sloppy Virtual Book Tour Schedule

Check out my virtual book tour dates! Follow my debut novel and I as we’re highlighted, interviewed and reviewed by various bloggers from January 31st- February 11th.

If you have already read my debut novel, whenever you find the time, please leave a review wherever you purchased it. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Smash words….etc. It would really help with rankings, algorithms and show it to more people so they can snag a copy too.

Thank you all for re-tweeting, re-sharing, taking a pic of yourself with the book, and simply being in my corner to push this book out. I really appreciate it.

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Current Wages: Who Eatin' Wit' That?

Current Wages: Who Eatin' Wit' That?

Yes, the job openings have increased, but the actual hirings are low. The wages are low #af OR, the wages are high with a dash of unhealthy work environment and a sprinkle of unsafe work conditions. Panoramic wages and chill, I guess. Just a lil’ rant from a freelancing lady who temps.

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Did the Church Cause My Exodus?

Did the Church Cause My Exodus?

Those of us who de-converted from christianity have heard the saying, “You only left because of people. You shouldn’t leave just because of a few apples.”. However, is that always our story? Why is that the assumption?

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Pride for Me

Pride for Me

In 2018, the shame lifted, and I was ready to celebrate and join my community. I slowly came out to my loved ones and planned on attending NYC’s Annual Pride. The initial group of friends I planned on attending with bailed. So, I went with a college friend who had a similar journey to mine. I had a blast. My heart was soaring.

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Dear Predatory Persistence: Take NO as an Answer

I had a dream recently that was actually a memory. When I was 26, someone was talking to me about how they usually get what they want. They told me that they don’t take NO for an answer and mentioned ways they would get a YES. Looking back, I realized how I was punished for telling them NO. Or, they would shape shift and use various tactics to manipulatively get that YES from me. Later on that day, I watched a reel on IG that spoke about not taking NO for an answer from potential clients. It made me cringe. What’s the deal with people disrespecting NO? If a potential client says NO, if a loved says NO, some people see that as room to coerce/manipulate/dragoon.

It’s as if the business arena and loved one arena is exempt from consent. It isn’t. It never was.

Dear Mr and Ms Predatory Persistence:

Take NO as an answer and get over it.

There have been songs, movies and well-known business people who utilize this saying to encourage people to follow their dreams.

Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, never submit to failure. Do not be fobbed off with mere personal success or acceptance. You will make all kinds of mistakes, but as long as you are generous and true, and also fierce, you cannot hurt the world or events. - Winston Churchill
— Winston Churchill (2010). “My Early Life: 1874-1904”, p.74, Simon and Schuster

I understand the intention. When one door closes, find another one- or maybe the timing wasn’t right so, you wait. When one person tells you NO- don’t give up. There is a YES… FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

However, from my personal experience, people’s stories, and what I keep reading on forums:

NAH.

There are pushy salesman, partners, religious folk, friends and #LLCTwitter that spew this slogan.

A few years ago, someone said to me, “Your partner isn’t always gonna to listen to you when you say No. Get over it.” I distanced myself. I ain’t entertaining nobody who doesn’t comprehend a NO from a grown person. Been there. Done that.

When I was in college, my best friend and I were leaving the mall after watching a movie. We were standing by the exit, waiting for our cab to arrive. Another cab driver was standing by the exit looking for customers. He asked if we wanted a ride. We said NO because we already had a cab coming…

Long story short, he attempted to bully us into snagging a ride. My best friend had to literally shove me into the car (that we already called in prior) because the pushy cab guy was being ridiculous!

I’m sure we all know a few people who won’t take NO for an answer- only to be disappointed with the person who gave them a reluctant YES or worse, punish people who remained grounded in their NO.

                People who refuse to respect a person’s No are hoping to transform that No into a Maybe. From there, a Maybe into a YES.

Yay… nothin’ goes better with someone’s coffee than dragooning him/her into some mess.

The thing is, the initial answer was NO. An answer isn’t taken. It’s given. Fuck mild coercion. Respect the NO and get a YES from someone who intuitively and authentically tells you YES.

Why are you seeking and digging for a reluctant YES when there is a solid YES elsewhere?

When Life Throws Potato Salad: Mindfulness in the Madness

Life will randomly throw potato salad on your bedroom wall. No matter how well you plan for the worst, you won’t be prepared for every mess life hurls at you. No one is in control of the world and the opportunities that present themselves (or lack thereof). You may not have the power to delegate what you can receive and deal with in life, but you are in control with how you respond to life’s spoiled mac and cheese circumstances.

Worrying about conflicts, circumstances or situations that upset the natural rhythm in your life is normal. Such as: a fucking pandemic!

Our homes, jobs, livelihood, loss of loved ones and even the mundane hum drum of life has us (understandably) wide eyed and frozen. Occasionally, it’s good to worry a bit because it can cause you to be concerned enough to address a matter. Giving into anxiety is a natural reaction to life’s spontaneity, but if your mind is lost in deep rumination, it’s time for a few positive adjustments. While anxiety is a normal reaction to stress (not ongoing anxiety, which can be generalized anxiety disorder or etc) if you continue to entertain worrying, it can cause delirious effects to your body.

            When we excessively worry, our bodies initiate a “fight or flight” response. From there, the nervous system will release two stress hormones called cortisol and adrenaline. Cortisol and Adrenal can cause physical reactions such as headaches, muscle aches, nausea and a fast heartbeat. More severe reactions such as a heart attack, digestive disorders, and muscle tension can also occur over time. Excessive worrying is not worth the slight diminishing of your well-being. Everything changes. Including the arbitrary situations that can change your mind to be overwhelmed with what-if scenarios.

Here are a few tips to avoid excessive worrying or to cease dark ruminating:

Be in the Moment

With every activity/task, you partake in, invest all of your attention to it. Whatever situation you are concerned about, don’t force it out of your mind. Only focus on the allotted task at hand and the entertained thought will fade away. If you are walking, observe your pathway. Look at the leaves( or lack thereof) , listen to the open toes sling backs clicking against the concrete, or watch the snowflakes fall as you wait for the bus. If you’re in quarantine, be present while you’re cooking. What do you smell? When was the last time you intently pet your cat or played with your dog?

Pause

  • If you can stop what you’re doing and address the matter that causes you an ample amount of distress, then do so. Honestly, reflect whether there is a likely solution. Are there options that will annihilate the problem?

  • If not, then acknowledge that you have no control. Breathe in deeply and release the unsolicited responsibility of the matter you cannot change.

  • Never attempt to “stop” or “force” the thought to leave your mind. It will only linger longer in your mind. Allow the stressful believed to pass, but do not entertain it. You may not monitor what enters your mind. However, you can control what thoughts you can entertain. 

You are in charge of what you allow to linger in your mind. You don’t have to allow situations to crowd your thoughts and cause physical symptoms. Breathe, release, and move forward!

Please keep in mind that we’re in the middle of a pandemic. It maybe hard, but please be easy on yourself.

Sweeping "Uncouth" Narratives

Sweeping "Uncouth" Narratives

There is no specific outline or box to define the black voice in writing. All of our narratives are essential to reach wherever we are in life. It’s all one collective that’s absolutely beautiful if you step back and browse through all of our stories. There is an imprint within the black voice in the literature that continues to subtly mark stories as low art or high art and it does no one any good. If you are a writer, experiment with the various black authors before you, and then write your story your way. Unapologetically write your story, as it is recognizing this: Once you wake up black and you write your story—that is the black voice.

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